A New Path
by Blunablue
Summary: When all you are was forged by war, what purpose has your life, once the bloodshed is over? OneShot, shortly after Toba Fushimi, Kenshin x Tomoe


_When all you are was forged by war, what purpose has your life, once the bloodshed is over?_

**Disclaimer: **Rurouni Kenshin is the property of Watsuki Nobuhiro, Shueisha, Shonen Jump, Sony Entertainment, and VIZ Comics. I don't own anything nor do I want to make profit with this work.

**Please notice: **English isn't my native language. But I tried my best.

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**Rurouni Kenshin**

**A New Path**

**written by Blunablue**

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Darkness. It takes long before the fog in front my eyes vanishes together with the last remains of night. It's dawn and I've walked for hours. Now I'm standing here, Miles and Miles away from Kyoto, but still with the typical and so horribly familiar smell of blood and sweat in my nose.

Where am I heading to? I don't know it anymore. My mind is blank and I don't feel anything, neither hunger nor thirst, neither the warm sunlight in my face nor the cool shadows of the forest.

Mechanically my feet are moving, one in front of the other, and without any control they're taking me further and further away, just away from this demon city – though the worst demon ever afflicting the nightly streets was I.

Right in front of me the rough mountain-path winds itself around bushes and crippled trees, climbing higher with every curve. My feet are following, carefully avoiding vicious stones and roots and I'm happy thus keeping my mind occupied on simply walking and not drifting away to the past.

But the higher I climb the mountain, the more I seem to regain my consciousness. The last days, until now just blurry memories, return in sharp-edged pictures.

_I stood on the battlefield. All around me fallen and sliced corpses. Harsh voices filled the air, got louder._

_It took me several minutes to recognize that theses voices didn't came from dying men but rather from the triumphant victors of battle. I saw red and golden Meiji-Flags fluttering against a smoke-stained sky._

_I felt nothing. No joy, no relief, no pain, no fear. Just my blood-soaked clothes, clinched at my body – together with the weight of hundreds of lives._

_I just run away, without any thought or emotion. It was like I had left my life back there on the bloody grounds, together with my sword. My duty was fulfilled. All, that remained was the lifeless shell of my body. _

_Shortly afterwards filled with despair. I reminded her. The words I have spoken to her. My obligation to her, that I had not yet fulfilled. Couldn't fulfil. Never._

_Because how could someone like me ever get forgiveness? How could someone bloodstained like me ever hope to atone?_

I feel a sudden burn on my left cheek. Her mark.

Grimly I regain control over my feet, forcing them to stand still.

I've made it. I've left the battlefields behind.

And now I would fulfil my last moral obligation to her.

I swore an oath. Back in Otsu, when we were sitting together near the fire, both sheltered by the same blanket. When our faces were shining red, glowing from the heat both of fire and love. 

Again I feel your warm body beside me, your velvet, snow-white skin against mine, your hand touching my left cheek with so much gentleness but also deep desperation.

It's too much. Breathing gets hard. But I force myself to go on. Just some more steps, some more last steps nearer to Fulfilment. I taste something salty. Somewhat startled I brush unexpected tears away.

_After the deep despair has died down like the cries of the dead at Toba Fushi__mi, I took the rest of my remaining sanity, everything, the years of bloodshed had left – and made a decision._

The ground gets more stable and softer. I've almost reached the top. Nothing around me except untouched nature. A peaceful place. I can hear the bird's singing. Somewhere not far away smoke from a village ascends to the sky, but here I am all alone.

The view is almost breathtaking. I look west, where, in a few hours, the sun will melt with angry red into the mountains. I won't look east because I know that the dark outlines of Kyoto are still visible against the horizon.

_Tomoe..._

_The name, that saved me like a sheet-anchor from insanity and madness during the last years._

_The body, whose weight I can still feel on my arms, just like that faithful day in the snowy forest, where I carried you, lifeless and cold._

_The face and the single tear running down your cheek until I kissed it away the moment we first and last loved each other._

_The scent of white-plum, that I still smell every time I bury my face in your scarf just like I'm doing now._

I feel deep calm taking me as I seat myself onto the warm grass. Wind plays with my hair and dries all tears left in my eyes. I know now what to do, Tomoe.

Back in Otsu I promised you never to kill again once the age of peace has come. And really, I left my sword behind.

I'll never kill again – just this last time.

My right hand slips to my left side. Not the familiar weight of two but of one sword was my companion during the last days. I put the wakizashi out of my obi and place it in front of me. The black scabbard shines dull in the sunlight.

_Tomoe..._

_All my thoughts are with you._

_I haven't deserved your love but nevertheless you chose to die for me. Your live weights far more heavier on me than any other._

My vision gets blurry and tainted in deep red. I see the blood, all that blood and the ghastly faces, cries reach my ears together with the dull sound of lifeless bodies hitting the ground.

Suddenly it's over. My sight is clear again. The blue sky above me. Under me green grass. No more fighting. My life has done its purpose. I've slashed hundreds of men and my own soul for this new Era. Now it's time to make a proper ending to all this.

The blade reflects the shining sun as well as the deep blue sky and I'm getting a foreboding of what infinity must be.

_Tomoe_

I'm feeling the weight of the wakizashi now in my hands.

_I hope you are happy, wherever you may be_

The tip of the blade is touching the skin right above my heart.

_I will never see you again, because wherever you are, there is no place for someone bloodstained like me_

I'm tensing my arms.

_Atonement for all the victims of my sword. There's just one path for me to go…_

I'm tightening my grip around the hilt.

…_the path to hell_

One last breath. I'm closing my eyes. I'm calm.

_Just… I've really wished to see you once again… Anata… Tomoe…_

With sudden force I'm pressing the cold steal in direction of my heart, feeling warm blood floating like a river over my chest and hands. The beautiful view is getting dizzy. I'm falling back into the sweet-smelling grass. Above me just the blue sky. It takes all range of my vision. Relieved I'm breathing one last time and then, finally – Darkness.

---

* * *

Light. It blinds me, I cannot open my eyes.

"Kenshin…"

That voice! My heart misses one beat. I must follow that voice.

Blindly I grope my way through white haze. Where am I? Am I dead? But why is it bright and not dark? And why can I smell the fragrant of white plums?

„Tomoe..." I force my eyes to open. There you are, right in front of me, surrounded with gleaming light. Did my last wish come true?

I stumble to you. My lips are moving - so many things I want to explain - but no sound leaves my mouth. You just watch me. Without a smile.

"Why are you here?" Your lips stand still but I can hear your sad voice in my head. In your face a look of reproach. "You shouldn't be here. Not yet."

You're right, Love. This place, full of light and your sweet scent is not meant for me. I should be, where the revengeful flames of all my victims could consume me forever. That would be atonement.

"Why have you come?" you ask again. Your eyes get clouded. I see tears. It's more than I can bear.

I run forward, trying to catch your trembling body, trying to hug you and give you comfort. But you're vanishing and I only grasp air. Half insane I look around. Have I lost you a second time?

No. There. You stand there just like before.

"Kenshin… you must go back."

"Back?" I wisper, barely audible. „Why? Isn't it better this way? Someone, who destroyed so much... destroyed your happiness…"

I don't deserve to live on.

"There's so much left for you to do."

My eyes wide in horror. Back to war? Back to bloodshed? But you shake your head, like you knew my innermost thoughts.

"You can't go back like you were. You have to find a new life."

I feel hot, desperate tears streaming out of my acing eyes. "But HOW??!!" I hear myself screaming. „How can someone like me ever atone for his sins? How can I ever hope to get forgiveness?" I break down like a house of carts.

„How..." I look at my hands and still there seems to be blood on them.

"Koishi…" Tomoe is standing right in front of me now. Through my tears I can see that she is smiling. Her lips are forming just one word.

"Live."

---

* * *

Pain. I welcome this feeling. It's more familiar to me than any other sentiment. Around me everything is dark. Darkness and Pain. That's good. Better than the blinding light before…

The light! Tomoe! My heart is racing.

"Live," was her last whispered word. Then she had vanished and the light with her. I hear my own breath. Slowly I open my heavy eyes.

I lay down in what seems to be a shack. Under me a comfortable futon. Above me a wooden ceiling. The smell of tea and sweet herbs in the air. Where am I this time?

I try to sit up, too fast – pain stitches in my left side, the room seems to get blurry. I sink jadedly back to the futon.

One thing for sure – I am not dead.

Suddenly footsteps, someone's coming to look after me. Without thinking I search for my swords with a sudden movement – custom, that the revolution has made into instinct – but the only reward I get is more pain and a sick feeling in my stomach. With a soft moan I'm sinking down to the futon again.

„Don't worry, young man, I mean you no harm," is the rough voice of an old woman saying. She steps into the room carrying a tablet with hot tee and food.

I'm blinking into her old, wrinkled face. She's looking at me with a teethless smile.

"You have to eat," she says while she's putting the tablet beside me on the floor. "You slept two days and you've lost much blood. If we hadn't found you…"

I stare at the wooden ceiling. This time I remain lying while my right hand moves carefully to my left side, discovering my self-inflicted injury, the place, where my wakizashi should have impaled me. Without even looking I realise that I must have somehow missed my heart. Instead I only had impaled some ribs on my side. A deep, but not a serious or lethal wound.

I try to swallow down desperation. How was that possible?

The infamous Hitokiri Battousai, who never missed to kill his opponents once they crossed swords with him failed to kill himself?!

Why?

The old woman still sits at my side. I see her worked-off hand as she wants to pass it over my forehead and I flinch back. She smiles again.

„I believe someone wants you to live."

Surprised I look at her. "What?" My voice sounds raw and fragile.

Her eyes pierce me, black like coals.

"She won't let you go. You still have to do something."

I just keep staring at her face. Waiting, hoping, begging mentally for her to speak on. Her voice sounds familiar at a sudden, so awfully familiar…

"Atonement is not as easy as to die. Atonement is to live. You have to live to fulfil your obligation to her."

I'm hearing the voice of my beloved now, seeing her face, her smile. All this can't be real, can it? I feel myself slipping back into darkness.

---

* * *

Live. She told me to live.

To go the most difficult of all paths. To get back to long lost Ideals, abused and burned in the bloody streets of Kyoto.

Protecting life. With my own hands. And thus making atonement. Paying for my crimes.

Tomoe…

I'm seeing her smile for me as I reach the outskirts of Kyoto, heading north.

As soon as I was stable enough I had left the mysterious old woman, who'd took care of me. I'll never forget her dark and gleaming eyes.

At my side I feel a both familiar and yet unknown weight. The weight of a sword that protects live instead of destroying it.

The sun is rising again. A new day dawns. I feel her warm embracement, I feel her guarding the darkness deep in me.

I know that it won't be easy. But I also know that I can do it.

You've shown me the way, my Love… The day, you've died in my arms, you've shown me a new path.

I'm looking up. The deep blue sky above me. You are somewhere in this infinity.

A soft breeze is blowing my hair out of my face. I've seen you once again.

That was more I could've ever asked for.

You've granted me one wish and refused the other.

Suddenly I get the strangest feeling. Something is happening. Unbelievingly I realise –

- I'm ... smiling.

---

* * *

Huh, this was a „First Time" in many ways: My first story here on ffcom, my first One-Shot ever written, and additionally my first english FF :D I hope there aren't too many mistakes… Please feel free to correct me!!! I want to improve, so I need your criticism!!

Inspiration for this One-Shot: Conspirator and her gorgeous FF „Descent into Madness", as well as „Out of Time" from SiriusFan13 – they describe Kenshin's inner struggles so very well. And furthermore Mir with her story „Hanafubuki" and Madoka-Chans FF „Waves of Time" – I love their style of writing in personal view.

I would be forever thankful for some reviews or word/grammar corrections!

EDIT: Already thanks to: Scarred Sword Heart and misaoshiru for some japanese advices:)

Thanks for reading, yours blunablue (aka Mina-Chan, Ju-Chan or MajinMina)

**Japanese Words:**

Koishi: Beloved (Woman says this to the Man)

Wakizashi: Short Sword


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